This week has been something of a challenge, apart from the disbelief about the potential for a new member of the WFR family, I have been exhausted both physically and emotionally. I will try to explain:
Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start…. not so long ago a boy and a girl met and married, they quickly added to their number a son of startling intelligence and fun… a little while later they wanted the startling little boy to have a brother and “voila”, along came bump number two… at 18 weeks they found out that the soon to be little brother had complications and a large amount of testing and worry and prayer ensued. By the grace of God number two son was born healthy, though not healed, and tough enough to surprise the NICU surgeons who corrected his omphalocele. He is now the poster child for healing and recovery and quite the toughest little boy we know.
Fast forward to this year, both boys are growing up fast, intelligent, sometimes belligerent, often loving and sweet, always awesome! We had found ourselves very content with our 2 little ones and had given no thought to a third, which is why I have spent the last week staring in disbelief at the three little white tests with two blue lines on them!
On Friday, when I finally gave in to my suspicion and tested, I had an overwhelming sense of powerlessness, of my own selfishness and most of all of sadness that I wasn’t jumping for joy at this news. Then as Saturday began I started to have hope and quiet joy in the plan the Lord must have for this little one to have conquered the seemingly fool proof vasectomy we had planned to prevent such an occurrence. I was so encouraged by all my friends that I am, in fact, a good mummy and one more little one will be a joy and a blessing.
And there, my friends is where my heart resided until yesterday, when I started to bleed, not massively, but enough to put fear where hope had been. I don’t even know what to hope or pray for, but we have an appointment with our midwife today, and I am sure she will tell us what is going on. As I struggle to line my heart up with truth and trust God as the author and perfecter of my faith in all this, I know that God is in control and that He is showing me new depths of who He is and how He comforts us in our distress and is the assurance of our salvation.
Please pray for us, that above all we would look to God as our provider, comforter and source of our joy and satisfaction.
Feebly trusting Him in weakness.